Life Matters

Thankful for what?

By LINDA PETERSEN
Posted 11/7/18

That time of year comes when being thankful is in the air. I have admiration for those who own big, beautiful, spotlessly clean houses. The pools and Jacuzzis, ocean views, marble bathrooms with a bathtub and a shower, media rooms, and clothes closets

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Life Matters

Thankful for what?

Posted

That time of year comes when being thankful is in the air.

I have admiration for those who own big, beautiful, spotlessly clean houses. The pools and Jacuzzis, ocean views, marble bathrooms with a bathtub and a shower, media rooms, and clothes closets bigger than my basement are stunning and magnificent, and owners must be thankful for what they have. The raised ranches, three bedrooms, two baths with the nice backyards for the children to play and for dad to grill are also awesome, and should be appreciated by its residents. My house, for which I am thankful, was an old summer cottage to which my Dad added two bedrooms and a bathroom. One would think it was homey (not homely) and comfortable, and why on earth can’t I keep it clean? My son, Steven, lives in an even older house, with which he is very satisfied. It is also a converted summer cottage, with old cabinets (a few with broken hinges in the kitchen) linoleum floors with age cracks here and there, and a toilet where part of the porcelain has broken off; home sweet home for him. A friend of mine, who has had tremendous difficulties in her life, is extremely thankful for the room that she has at Crossroads, which is much warmer than sleeping on the street. It should be gratifying to any of us if we have a roof over our heads, even if that roof does not come with a Jacuzzi and ocean views. All houses have some dents and damage and none are perfect, but that should be overlooked given the alternative.

There are many large families in Rhode Island that get together on Sunday afternoons for meatball and spaghetti or a turkey dinner. They sit around a sizeable dining room table, rowdily sipping wine and drinking beer. They laugh and joke with each other and have a grand, old time. As an extended family, any of them would do anything for each other. If one of them has a baby, all 17 show up at the hospital. If one of them gets divorced, all 17 of them provide solace. Love is multiplied vociferously, and they are thankful for their kin which, like all families, may include older grandparents who have some difficulty getting around, (or remembering the names of their grandchildren) parents that are divorced, stepchildren, individuals with disabilities, and individuals of differing races, nationalities, and sexual orientations. Other families may also get together on Sundays for dinner, but this activity produces a lesser amount of boisterousness. They talk about their week in pleasant tones, and support each other in a quieter way that is not less supportive than the larger family. This family is gratified for their togetherness.

Yet other families support each other through telephone calls, video chats, texting, sending birthday wishes through the mail and getting together for special occasions like Thanksgiving, Christmas, weddings and funerals. They support each other throughout the year, but when they do get together it is magical, full of the excitement of learning, first hand, of their relative’s accomplishments and failures, and gawking at how much the children have grown. This family is also grateful for each other. Still other families are smaller, and may consist of two children and a mom, who is appreciative that she has her children to hug and love; a life of quality, not quantity. Then there are the family-less people who have neighbors and friends who provide support and, sometimes, love. They get together for holidays, each bringing a dish, and possibly playing cards or watching television for their excitement. They become an unrelated family.

Of course, families are not perfect. Siblings and parents quarrel, sometimes about little, unimportant things and sometimes about things near and dear to each of their hearts. Often, parents disapprove of their children’s lifestyle choices; choice of hair color, boyfriend/girlfriend, political views, job or lack thereof, and sexual orientation. I have known more than one family torn apart because of the latter; dad cannot accept his son/daughter who comes out as gay, and cuts him/her out of his life, his only life. His life that is limited in length.

My one suggestion for this Thanksgiving is to let go of negative thoughts and focus on the thankful part, such as hugging a wayward child, accepting a child and spouse who has chosen to marry outside the family’s faith, declaring delicious a disgusting casserole brought by old Aunt Edna, appreciating the 2004 Toyota Corolla because with all of its rust and dents, it does faithfully travel back and forth to work, and loving the child with the purple hair, nose ring and skull tattoos. We only have one life. If we become complacent and do not appreciate it, we only have ourselves to blame when we age with nothing for which to be thankful.

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