With a Flowbee and polish

Posted 11/29/23

Ever since I was a child, I was taught that it is what is on the inside that counts.  My dad, in his twisted way of teasing, used to call me ugly, so I always worked hard to make my insides …

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With a Flowbee and polish


Ever since I was a child, I was taught that it is what is on the inside that counts.  My dad, in his twisted way of teasing, used to call me ugly, so I always worked hard to make my insides pretty.  As I age, however, it is apparent that some work needs to be done on the outside as well. 

My hair has always been a bone of contention, (a subject of dispute.) My mother had a full head of curly, blonde hair.  Alas, along with my extra wide hips, my hair has been inherited from my dad’s side of the family, thin and stringy.  For the past 30 years, my good friend had always cut my hair for me.  Knowing that it was super thin, she would trim off a tiny amount, and it would look decent. She decided to move to Florida a few years ago, so I have been on my own.

Anytime anyone else trimmed my hair, she would cut off too much leaving me with a hairstyle close to baldness, so recently it has been longer than usual. I tried to cut it myself but was unable to do so correctly, and the bangs started out at one inch long above my left eye and flowed across to about a half of an inch over my right eye. Unless I could market this as a new hair style, it looked awful.  Suddenly, a bright idea occurred to me, remembering a Ron Popeil commercial from forty or so years ago advertising the Flowbee. It was described as a “complete precision haircutting system, which cuts hair evenly into recessed blades, and trims it precisely, a complete solution for hairdressing, styling, and trimming.”

What a great idea! Amazon, of course, still had this treasured device, and, with Prime delivery, it was on my front step the next day. Oh, joy!  Taking it right into the bathroom and choosing a one-and-a-half-inch spacer, with my hand tremors I proceeded to demolish what little hair I had, giving me a Frankensteinian look.  The only advantage was that there was not any hair to clean up as it was whooshed away up the Flowbee. Now I look worse than ever!

Keeping my fingernails looking decent has also always been a challenge.  I have onychophagia, which is a “type of self-grooming behavior” that occurs during stressful times, and I have never been able to get them even.

Recently, I have been less stressed, (something that happens when one’s children become independent adults,) so they have grown to epic proportions which needed professional help. Excited, I went yesterday to get a manicure.  It had been a long time since I had had this experience, and at that time it was basically filed nails with a shiny, clear coat of polish.

Things have changed. Upon entering the nail salon, I was instructed to choose my nail polish.  There must have been over 200 choices!  I had seen a multitude of women wearing bright colored nail polish in purples, blues, and greens, but my choice was something akin to skin color. While my nails were being prepared properly by the nail technician, I glanced over and looked at the woman next to me.  She had bright, red polish on long fingernails, and her technician was applying cute, little Christmas decorations on each nail, and it was quite the process!

For each nail, they would look at a sheet of green, white, and red pictures, and the patron would choose which she wanted. Her bright red polish was striking enough, but with an added Christmas tree, and reindeer, and Santa Clause, it took it to a whole other level. Photos on the wall demonstrated artistic renditions of manicures with flowers, stripes, hearts, rainbows, happy faces, watermelons, swans, Dunkin Donuts colors with sprinkles, and strawberries.   I just wanted my nails shaped properly and regular polish applied so I would not bite them, and they came out lovely.

 My hair is still wild looking, but I am hoping that people will just look at my attractive nails and think I am pretty. That is the best I can do.


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